Autor Thema: Dungeon Theater  (Gelesen 1585 mal)

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Pestbeule

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Dungeon Theater
« am: 26. November 2003, 13:22:51 »
 Hallo Leute,

dies hier hab ich auf den WotC Boards gefunden. Fands echt lustig. Viel Spass beim lesen!  B)


Dungeon Theater

Act 1
Scene 1

In a temperate forest we find our heroes relaxing near a campfire and talking about there what to do after there last adverture.

Ranger: Hay. Bard what up?

Bard: Nothing just stringing my “guitar like instrument”

Ranger: “Guitar like instrument”???

Bard: Yeah, we don’t have guitars in this time period, but I really wanted one. So I just call this my “guitar like interment” since I don’t know what types of stringed interments would be appropriate for this setting.

Ranger: But how do you even know what a guitar… You know what never mind. So what do you want to do now that our last adventure is over?

Bard: I don’t know. We could go to a tavern and interact with NPCs.

(Enter Paladin)

Paladin: Come my companions. Let us journey forth and battle the forces of evil.

Ranger: We just did that.

Bard: Yeah there aren’t any more around here.

Paladin: Oh…You want to have a barbeque?

Bard: ok let’s have a barbeque

Ranger: Yeah nothing bad’s gonna happen today.

Act 1
Scene 2

In the home of a barbeque sauce making NPC

NPC: Wow being an NPC rocks. Nothing to do but sit around an and make barbeque sauce. I hope Bard comes by today I could listen to him play that “guitar like interment” all day. I just get so fascinated every time I see him play.

(Knock of the door)

NPC: Come in. (Whispers) I hope its bard.

(Enter Mind Flayer)

NPC: Sweet mother of Palor!!! You’re not Bard!!!

Mind Flayer: Prepare yourself puny human to die while I (proceeds to explain evil plan) So that my army of devoted priest can take over the world.

NPC: AAAAAHHHHHH

Mind Flayer: I also have an army of goblins.

NPC: AAAAAHHHHHH

Mind Flayer: Now prepare to have your brains suck out.

NPC: AAAAAAHHHHHH (dies)

Act 1
Scene 3

Latter, at the home of the now dead NPC.

Bard: Trust me this guy make the best barbeque sauce in all the known realms

Ranger: (Mumbles) doesn’t mention that most of the realms are forgotten.

Paladin: We are here. I’ll go knock on the door.

(Enters Mind Flayer from door)

Mind Flayer: Sweet mother of Vecna!!! Your not my goblin army!!!

Paladin: Prepare yourself creature of darkness to die in the name of (proceeds to name most major deities, 3 charity organizations, and a boy scout troop) So that the light of goodness can spread though out the world.

Ranger: (to bard) What wrong with your sauce making friends head?

Bard: (to ranger) Shut up.

(enter Goblin king with 12 goblins)

Goblin King: Hey mind flayer sorry were late but- Sweet mother of… of… what ever our gods name is, Goblins kill the humans.
(Goblins draw weapons, Bard, Ranger and Paladin draw weapons, Initiatives are rolled. They fight, Ranger Fights all 12 goblins at once using his two swords, Paladin and Mind Flayer Fight while Mind Flayer attempts to explain evil plan, Bard and Goblin king fight)

Bard: (to Goblin king) You are very strong, I am down to about 7 hp already

Goblin King: (to bard) Yes you are also strong I too am down to less then 10 hp, but it is a good thing you go not see Goblin 13 using his roguish skills to sneak up behind you. Ha Ha Ha.

Bard: you must think that I am very foolish to fall for that.

Goblin 13: Sneak Attack sucker!!!

Bard: AAAHHHH (falls unconscious)

(Ranger heard Bard scream and runs to his aid, Goblin King is reaching for Bards Guitar like instrument when Ranger attacks him, Ranger's attack fails but Goblin king runs away. Paladin kills Mind Flayer and runs to Bard and Ranger, Goblin 13 sneaks away)

Paladin: What happened?

Ranger: (to paladin) he’s dieing, I’ll try to stabilize him. (Uses heal skill to stabilize Bard)

Paladin: I could have just used my paladin abilities.

Ranger: They would not have worked. (looks grim and serious) He’s been stabbed by a gobinish blade. He’ll soon become a goblin like them.

Paladin: Are you sure? I’ve never hared of that.

Ranger: Yes. We must get him to some clerics fast. (fondly carresses object in pocket)

Paladin: Mind Flayer had this map on him. It shows us the way to something called the “Temple of Cthulhu”. “Cthulhu” Must be a misspelling of Corellon or something. But it’s a temple so we should be able to get help there.

Ranger: Then that is where we take him.

Paladin: Come Ranger let us answer the call of Cthulha.

(Exits Stage Left)
 
"Since it is difficult to join them together, it is safer to be feared than to be loved when one of the two must be lacking."
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Pestbeule

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Dungeon Theater
« Antwort #1 am: 26. November 2003, 13:24:02 »
 Act 2
Scene 1 (For lack of a better title)

Paladin watches over Bard’s unconscious body in a clearing in the forest near the temple of Cthulhu , while Ranger scouts ahead.

Bard: (wakening up) What happened? Where is my “Guitar Like Instrument”?

Paladin: Bard your awake!!! And showing no sign of changing to a goblin yet.

Bard: Man at my level do you think I’m going to stay below 0 for very long. Wait, changing into a what?

Paladin explains Ranger’s turning into a goblin theory, Bard smacks Paladin and calls him dumb.

(enter Ranger)

Ranger: Bard your awake.

Bard slaps Ranger and calls him dumb.

Bard: Why in the nine he11s did you think I’d turn into a goblin just because I was stabbed by one, it’s not like there were rats or something.

Ranger: Sorry. I must have just read about something like that some where. (ranger clutches something in his pocket)

Ranger: By the way Paladin we need to talk about this temple of “Corellon”.

Ranger leads Bard and Paladin to the temple which seems to be a much older stone structure which has been renovated and built on top of by the priest of Cthulhu.

Paladin: wow my detect evil ability is going off worse then a iron golem in a metal detector.

Ranger: Look at these. (points to an completely ordinary looking mud puddle) These are Kobold tracks, and lots of them. They must be working for the priests of Cthulhu.

Bard: (picks up a rock) cool I get a rock.

Paladin: we have to see what these cultists are up to, and stop them.

Bard: You know at one time the followers of your god were most likely considered cultist right?

Paladin: (ignoring Bard) I have a plan.

Act 2
Scene 2 (Call of Cthulhu)

In the entry chamber of the Cthulhu Temple. (a 30 by 40 foot room with one door opposite the entry way and 6 pillars.) Two very bored cultist guard the door.

Cultist 1: ‘H’… ‘H’ is hard I’ll go with “Hole”.

Cultist 2: "Hole". Yeah she so killed him. Any way, ‘I’…’I’ Oh yeah “Iggy Pop”

Cultist 1: Wait a second who’s this guy?

Cultist 2: You know he had that song on the second “Crow” sound track.

Cultist 1: No. this guy in the full plate. And his friends.

(Enter Paladin followed by Bard and Ranger)

Cultist 1: Who dares enter the sacred temple of the grand Cthulhu?

Paladin: I come to offer a gift to the servants of the god Cthulhu.

Cultist 1: Like what?

Paladin: (holds up symbol of Pelor) This.

Cultist 1 and 2: What the-

Paladin draws sword (quick draw) and power attacks the flat footed armor less cultist during the surprise round, (cultist one goes down). Ranger and bard draw weapons, cultist 2 runs screaming toward the back door Bard throws a dagger and kills him.

Ranger: (to Paladin) Isn’t it against your alignment to trick people like that.

Paladin: They were evil screw’em

Another cultist enters from the back door with about 6 kobolds. A matrix style fight follows while Drowning Pool plays as back ground music. Paladin, Bard, and Ranger exit though the back door after killing every one.

Act 2
Scene 3 (A moral question)

The temple is connected to a vast underground network of rooms (what were the odds) it’s while exploring these rooms that the heroes enter a room filled with about 20 baby kobolds.

Ranger: This shouldn’t take long, let’s cut there throats and move on.

Paladin: Wait! We can’t kill them there just babies.

Ranger: What ever happened to “Their evil screw’em”

Paladin: But these might not have taken on the evil ways of there parents yet. If even one of them could grow up to be good then it’s worth sparing them.

Bard: And they are kind of cute (picks up nearest kobold)

Ranger: Look, it’s not like these are the only baby kobolds in the world. If it’s even possible for there to be good ones there is a very slim chance he will come from the ones in this room. So let’s just wish them, as a race, good luck, and then send them screaming to the after life.

Paladin: But what if our act of mercy is what persuades one of these young kobolds to abandon its evil nature and take up a life of good and righteousness. If we kill them that couldn’t happen. It is our responsibility as representatives of our people to show those who are different that they will be judged based on there actions, not race of their birth.

Bard: (to kobold) who’s a good little girl? Yes you are.

Act 2
Scene 4 (It’s all down hill from here)

Ranger: All right. It says right here “Usually Lawful Evil” That means that, in all likely hood, each of these little things will grow up to having the undeniable urge to inflict pain and suffering while spreading the will of evil. It’s called the “Dominator” for a reason.

Paladin: No that just means that traditionally at least 51% of them do turn out to be evil. The rest might grow up to be good.

Ranger: Fine. We kill half let the others go and every one will be happy.

Bard: (to kobold) do you want to play? That right who wants to play?

Act 2
Scene 5 (Don’t even mention the drow)

Ranger: There one of my favored enemies for Shalm sake. I really, really need to kill these things.

Paladin: We must first consider the moral impact our actions might have.

Bard: Hey guys I don’t know if you noticed or not but the Kobolds left about 2 hours ago.

Ranger and Paladin: Where did they go?

Bard: You guys were just standing there talking and they just sort of wondered out the door. All but this one. (hugs kobold) I’m thinking I’ll name her Lucky.

Ranger: (Muttering) I’m thinking I know what we’re having for dinner.

Paladin: Look! There was a trap door we couldn’t see under the kobolds

Bard: Come on Lucky, we’re going down the trap door.

Act 2
Scene 6 (Even Deeper)

The heroes find a strange room filled with barrels of barbeque sauce and various magical and harmful potions. The room is actually a chamber in some sort of cave. An underground river even runs though the room on one side before exiting though a large passage in one wall.

Paladin: I think I understand this now. The Cthulhu Priest plan to mix these foul potions into this barbeque sauce and then sell it to the surrounding towns, thus affecting every one with these potions.

Ranger: Then why did they kill that NPC?

Bard: Because they knew that if he was still making sauce no one would even look twice at this junk. Yes it was that good.

Paladin: Well after we smash these barrels-

(Enter high level cultist)

HLC: I wouldn’t do that if I were you Paladin.

Paladin: And you intend to stop me. (draws sword)

HLC cast a high level spell, Paladin falls (in slow motion even).

Ranger: &%@#

Bard: Wow

Luck: Eep

Ranger attacks HLC, and gets a shown what a critical wound is; Bard cast a healing spell on Paladin, before a searing light spell makes him consider keeping his healing spells for himself.

Paladin: (wipes the blood from his lip) Is that all you got?

Bard: (Starts playing what sounds like “Here to Stay” by Korn.)

Ranger and Paladin attack with renewed vigor, after a long and deadly fight HLC once again gains the upper hand.

Ranger: Paladin we have to get out of here, He’ll kill us all.

Paladin: Never.

HLC: Mwhahahahaha

Bard: Running out of songs!!!!

HLC: Mwhahahahaha

Ranger: Run. (throws Paladin into river, then jumps in himself, both are quickly swept down stream.)

Bard: Hold on Lucky (Holding Lucky tightly he jumps in the river to be swept down stream and out of the room)

HLC: So you have chosen death.

(Exits stage Left)



 
"Since it is difficult to join them together, it is safer to be feared than to be loved when one of the two must be lacking."
http://pestbeule.blog.de/

Pestbeule

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Dungeon Theater
« Antwort #2 am: 26. November 2003, 13:25:30 »
 
Heres Act 3
I'm going home for thanksgiving so I'll be gone from the boards for a couple of days. In the mean time I hope you enjoy act 3 of Dungeon Theater...

Act 3
Scene 1 (gently down the stream)

A river runs slowly though a tranquil forest, Suddenly from these serine waters burst our heroes, choking and gasping for precious air

Paladin: Sweet Pelor It’s hard to swim in full plate.

Bard: Lucky, are you okay?

Luck: Eep.

Ranger: Must kill…kobold.
(The heroes lie on the side of the river catching their breath.)

Ranger: So anybody know where we are.

Paladin: According to this map I took from Mind Flayer we should be in the “White
Forest”.

Bard: That doesn’t sound too bad.

Ranger: (sniffing) what is that rank odor of death which is hanging heavy in the air?

Bard: Paladin let me see that map. (takes map from Paladin) It says “Wight Forest”
not “White Forest” prayer monkey!!! I though you got literacy as a class feature.

Ranger: Well that certainly makes those zombies coming toward us a lot more reasonable.

(Enter Zombies, lots of zombies)

A fight breaks out and wave after wave of undead horror assault our heroes who fight fiercely to hold them off. In the end the heroes defeat the zombies but are now even more wounded then they were and not in a very good mood.

Paladin: Wow! I just used every turning attempt I had today, but they just kept coming.

Bard: Did you guys see that? Even Lucky was fighting tooth and claw. She kinda fights like you do Ranger.

Ranger:…

Paladin: We’re lost, out of spells, have no food, have about as many hit points between us as a level 2 commoner, and we’re apparently in a undead infested forest.

Ranger: well guys at least things can’t get any worse.

(Enter 12 elven rangers with drawn master work composite longbows, aimed at the heroes)

Bard: (to Ranger) I hate you. Don’t you know that you should never say that unless you have a death wish.

Elven Ranger: You are going to be coming with us. The hoards of undead may have weakened our power in this forest but rest assured we can still deal quite quickly with foolish humans who see fit to trespass.

Ranger: Hey you know what, things really can’t get any better right now can they?

Bard: (annoyed) It doesn’t work that way.

Elven Ranger: (To other elves) Take there weapons and bind there hands, we have a long walk ahead of us.

Ranger: Hay look it’s a platinum coin (picks PP up off the ground before being disarmed and bound)

Act 3
Scene 2 (a dungeon that still works)

In the dungeons of the elvish city our heroes await judgment.

Bard: They must not think humans need to eat or something.

Paladin: I am sure the elves are rational people and as soon as we get a chance to explain our selves to their Speaker we will be set free.

Ranger: Won’t do us much good if we starve to death before the Speaker even sees us.

Bard: Hey Ranger, you always use two swords. Why did those elf rangers all have bows instead.

Ranger: (glaring contempt) their some of those “new rangers”.

Paladin: (Holding up some cups) I’ve got some water here if any body wants some.

Bard: Where’d you get that.

Paladin: 0 level spell yo.

Ranger: This water is good, but we still need food. We have no choice, we’ll have to eat the kobold.

Luck: Eek

(Enter Elf)

Elf: the Speaker awaits you, trespassers.

Act 3
Scene 3 (and somewhere a halfling shouts “I will take it”)

In the hall of the Speaker of the Elves.

The heroes explain what happened, the Speaker forgives them and then explains why they were treated so harshly.

Speaker: The followers of the god Cthulhu sought to work their dark magics in our forest, using the powers of hidden lay lines that cross the elven homelands. Of course we opposed them, their petty magic was at first no match for our archers and rangers. But the treacherous priest then activated a relic of past ages called the Orb of Souls. This powerful crystal infested our lands with undead of numbers to great to bear. Since that time our kingdom has lost much of it’s former power and land, and still the Orb summons more undead to our lands. Soon we will have to leave these lands forever.

Bard: That’s no cool.

Paladin: Where is this Orb of Souls?

Seeker: It is hidden somewhere within this very forest. Our scouts seek it constantly. But the followers of Cthulhu made a pact with the kobolds which have long infested these woods and have hidden the Orb in one of their well hidden lairs.
My time with you grows short. You may remain our guest for seven days. With in those days you will see what elven hospitality once meant. After that time I must ask you to leave. You will be provided safe passage though our forest in any direction you choose.

Act 3
Scene 4 (I have nothing to say bout this one)

The heroes do indeed get the 4 star elf treatment and before long they smell so good they get circumstance bonuses to charisma bases skills.

In a small elven shrine to the “spirit of the forest” Ranger sits and ponders his role in this life.

Ranger: (Pondering) What is my role in this life?

(Enter hot roguish ½ elf chick)

Rogue: You are no elf.

Ranger: I am a guest of the Speaker. You are no elf either.

Rogue: My father was. He once traveled to all the great kingdoms speaking on behalf of the elven people to kings and princes. That is how he met my mother. When revolutionaries killed him to show there dislike of there kings friendship with the elves. My mother fled here with me for protection. (isn’t it odd how back stories can be used as conversation starters)

Ranger: Your mother?

Rogue: Dead. The life of a human is short even for someone like me. She lived long for a human though.

Ranger: Will you go with the elves when they leave these woods?

Rogue: (smiles) Who else would I go with?

(fade to black)

Act 3
Scene 5 (Breakfast in elfland)

Bard and Paladin talk over breakfast.

Bard: Have you seen ranger?

Paladin: Not since yesterday afternoon. Why?

Bard: He’s usually the first one down for breakfast. And Lucky misses him.

Luck: Eep

Paladin: How can you tell?

Bard: She really seems to like watching him fight.

Paladin: She’s probably just hoping he takes crit and will stop trying to kill her. You know I’ve been thinking. Maybe we should try to help these elves. I mean they certainly need it.

Bard: While I agree with you I really don’t think we could help that much. You heard the Speaker, The elves have been looking all over this forest for that orb for years and they haven’t found jack so far.

Paladin: But he also said that it was hidden in one of the kobold lairs. Maybe Lucky knows where it is.

Lucky: Eep

A decision is made, Ranger is found, and Rogue joins the party. When the Speaker is told what the heroes mean to do he insist on giving them gifts from the Elven treasury to help them on their quest.

Speaker: To you Bard I give this ring, It will protect you from those who attack you with the power of lightning. Paladin I offer you this Sword, it bears an enchantment that will sheath its blade in fire when so commanded. Rogue there is no greater gift I can give you then the cloak of our people, I gave this to your father once. May it protect you from the eyes of your enemies. Upon search for a last gift I found these two scimitars, each beards an enchantment and are idea for a noble ranger…like Lucky.

Lucky: Eep.

Ranger: Hey what about me!!!

Speaker: Oh, right. You get this, um, mystic potion yeah. It will heal you from the most grievous wounds, or at least about 1d8 hp of a grievous wound.

Ranger: (muttering) one day I will kill you Speaker.

Speaker: Five companions. You bear the hopes of all the elven people. In ages to come you shall be called “The Seekers of the Orb”.

Act 3
Scene 6 (When all is said and done)

The Seekers walk cautiously though the forest in the direction that Lucky leads.

Bard: Did any one else think that things got a bit more serious then usual back there.

Ranger: What do you mean? (Trips and falls)

Bard: There. That’s better.

(Exits Stage Left)
 
 
 
 
"Since it is difficult to join them together, it is safer to be feared than to be loved when one of the two must be lacking."
http://pestbeule.blog.de/

Pestbeule

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Dungeon Theater
« Antwort #3 am: 26. November 2003, 19:39:24 »
 Ich finde, wer immer das geschrieben hat müsste ein Comicbuch draus machen!  :D  
"Since it is difficult to join them together, it is safer to be feared than to be loved when one of the two must be lacking."
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Tygore

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Dungeon Theater
« Antwort #4 am: 29. November 2003, 14:29:55 »
 Mehr davon, mehr davon :)

Everywhere is just a journey away